One of the most experimental and radical gameplay element in an MMRPG has to be the Entertainer and two of its advanced professions, the Musician and Dancer in Star Wars: Galaxies. (Herein described as "Entertainers" in general as their function is primarily identical. There is a third Entertainer class, the Image Designer, whose role lies in a totally social/ascetic realm.) These professions are designed as almost purely social classes, their primary function in the combat world is restoration of mind wounds and battle fatigue, a type of healing that no other profession can perform, insuring the need for Entertainers by all classes that find themselves in one time or another in combat.

Having heard about the Entertainer class by friends that knew how into my Bard I was, I was readily assured that the Entertainer class, the Musician in particular was my cup of tea. Once I broke down the other 30,000 excuses I had for not buying the game, creating an Entertainer was of course inevitable.

I was pleasantly surprised by what I found at first glance: a skill set devoted single mindedly to the in-game Entertainment of others; a wide variety of songs and dances that did increase in complexity and entertainment value as the Entertainer gained in skill, missed notes and fumbled steps become fewer, new songs are less grating and some are quite recognizable (the "Cantina Music" from A New Hope and a humorous parody of the "Imperial March" among others) and new dance steps turn from the absurd (Novice Entertainers can cabbage patch with the worst of them) to the truly masterful (and more about this in a bit). Life as an Entertainer is straight forward (assuming you don't have other professions), you set up shop in a cantina or hotel, you start playing, and you flourish every now and then to keep the experience coming in. There is no combat challenge, there are missions that are rather simplistic and not very effective, it is, after all, a social profession, designed to make downtime, the most aggravating part of healing, more enjoyable.

However, as in everything in a role-playing environment, once you add numbers to the mix, a whole truckload of issues come to the forefront. And if any base profession has issues, it's the Entertainers.

Based on what I've described, it may have no doubt occurred to you that gaining experience in the Entertainer lines isn't what you'd call engaging work. Tedious comes close, and socializing and typing comes at a premium, when shades of Everquest come roaring back to the future: for any sort of reasonable experience, Entertainers have to flourish once every 5 seconds. However, the good folk at SOE were wise enough to include a very handy and well featured macroing system in Star Wars, and EVERYTHING can be run via command line.

Yes, this is the point in which you join me. "Ut-oh."

I don't think I have to spell it out for you that some people, correction, A LOT of people have figured out that you can essentially macro away forever as an Entertainer, allowing of course your character to rise up in the musical world while you sleep well at night with visions of exp. And while you deal with the Pointy Haired Bosses of the world, your character can be endlessly dancing or singing, flourishing for all the world to see, gaining experience, earning tips... and pissing off others.

A whole blizzard of issues surround the conspiracy in the Entertainment world that is known as AFK Macroers, from legal discussions due to a poorly written line in the End User Agreement, to venting of pure ennui and in a surprising twist, picket lines. Mired in with the problems of legality and the elitism present between AFKers and non-AFKers (a line in which there appears to be a growing middle ground) is the fact that the community (and most likely the development corps) is heavily divided on what constitutes fair use of macros while entertaining. Some use macros to alleviate the need for flourishing so they can socialize. Some AFK to work on the music grind in their house. Others macro unattended in under used cantinas, providing a required service to the poor souls in the far reaches of the universe. In this galaxy gone mad, who's to say what's right or wrong when ANY change will affect everyone whose lives touch Entertainers (which is, well, everyone.)

But, as they say, the fun don't stop there. Entertainers, while providing a required service to all with battle fatigue or mind wounds, are doomed to face a life of monetary hardship as the best money in SW:G is found in combat missions and crafts. While Medics (who provide in some sense, the same role for action & health wounds in Hospitals) have crafting built into their class line, are both heavily tipped for their time and can sell their crafted stims on the market if they so please, Entertainers (and only Musicians really) have only one crafting line which has no regard to quality (Instrument quality is non-existent), have expenditures in terms of clothes, and to top it off, have a service that requires no specific attention (again, more on this later) to a client. An Entertainer can heal one or one hundred at the same rate, which while making for efficiency, does distance the service provider from the provided, especially in large cantinas. Just like modern-day wait staff, Entertainers can find themselves stiffed on tips and nothing mind you, NOTHING is more frustrating to an entertainer than seeing a guy walk in a cantina with a black mind bar, sit down, go afk, stand up 30 minutes later and walk out.

Nothing. Rawr.

Of course, Musicianship is only half of the Entertainment industry. While Gaedan Menthern blows away on the Slitherhorn (it's an instrument already, get over it!), Dancers twirl away and fall on their ass for your mind-healing pleasure as well, providing a more visually appealing method for battle restoration. While the band geeks play away on Rock and StarWars1 over and over and over and over for every Novice Entertainer that joins the Theed Cantina band hoping for a few good tips, Dancers have, by no stretch of imagination, discovered that there are other, more ...overt... ways to get tip money in a galaxy far, far away.

Think about it... think... thiiiink... ooopppeeennn your mind, Quaid... (sorry)... yep... Dancers... slow, exotic moves... think Jabba's dancer.... yessss... there you go.

The best part of private dancing is that Twi'lek females are of course infamous in the ol' universe for being unfortunate slaves to the more despicable folk of the galaxy. They're not catering to teenage (and sometimes adult) male hormones, OH NO, they're Role-playing! Not to mention the reports of dancers that are quite willing to do "other stuff" for a few extra credits (there's a rumor, RUMOR mind you, of a well-sought after who... Private Dancer on Tatooine on Eclipse that's reputed to be rather well sought after for her... skills.)

So where does little ol' Gaedan fit in this mad world of Entertainment? He doesn't. I deleted the entertainer (gotta love one character per server), created a scout and haven't looked back.

Why? Well it's not solely due to what I just wrote and you just read. I've been finding a rather thick skin about all the fuckery one finds in MMRPGs lately, I guess, but Entertainer professions do suffer from a great deal of gameplay issues on top of the social problems. However, sometimes, late at night when I'm hunting in vain for leviasqualls and that precious, precious experience, I do hear the words, "That ain't workin'... that's the way you do it... you hit the macro and afk. That ain't workin', that's the way you do it. You play the BF healing bot in the SW:G."

... I swear I need a better joke writer.

Gaedan out.